you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
