i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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