She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
