I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
