Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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