Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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