Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
