Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
