i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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