Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
