Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
