My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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