I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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