Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
