Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Randomize
