Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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