Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
