"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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