bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
