it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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