chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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