its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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