I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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