i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
