weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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