the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
