I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
