gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
