Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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