i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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