so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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