ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
