textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
