apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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