Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
