dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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