weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
