Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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