1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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