he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
