And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You smell like stripper and shame
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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