I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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