I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
