you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
