You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
