dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
