"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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