I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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