id be glad to
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
