Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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