I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
