She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
