If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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