It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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