Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub