Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year