covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!