It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
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Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
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valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me