So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.