I cockslap morals
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Dating After Heartbreak
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.