girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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