Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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