i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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