I cockslap morals
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
