i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
