Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
