UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
