508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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