no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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