my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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