I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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