I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
