my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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