Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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