You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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