also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Holy sore nipples Batman
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
